The Poor Mom Revolution

      As the saying goes… money makes the world go round. You need a job in order to make the money to live the way you want to live. It’s a cycle that we’ve always been taught that the harder you work the better the outcome. With the rise of inflation and prices across the board from food, activities, car and housing prices, electric bills, etc. it’s hard to keep up and get ahead…financially speaking anyways. I’ve noticed that more and more people are making time for family, looking for less stressful jobs, finding hobbies that bring them joy and wanting to have more than just a career. It’s interesting how mindsets change as the world does.

     I read an article a while back about a health care worker who had interviewed the elderly at her place of work. She had asked them what their biggest regrets were when looking back and the overwhelming majority mentioned they wished they had worried and worked less, spent more time with those they loved, and simply allowed themselves to be happy sooner. We spend so much time making goals, looking ahead and not living in the moment that we tend to forget what’s right in front of us. It really makes me sad. I was always the type of person that wanted to enjoy what I did and didn’t think about the money. I needed to do something that I believed in, that I was passionate about and make a difference. It’s no coincidence that I was torn between teaching and social work and with either of those professions I had never thought about the financial aspect or that it came along with quite a struggle. I think no matter which way you flip the coin, your job doesn’t have a fairytale ending. 

     Many people I’ve met along the way who had picked careers based on higher incomes and not their love of it, struggled finding the work life balance and ultimately a few switched careers or think about it often as they realized the majority of their life is spent in a place they don’t like. So it brings me back to the grass isn’t always greener on the other side concept. No matter what you choose it’s not always about the career, but about what you do with the rest of your time. It’s about the journey to get where you are, the connections you make along the way and the memories you’ll never forget. Life is a crazy whirlwind as is, so we might as well enjoy it.

     There’s a phrase that has always stopped me in my tracks. I used to say it more times than I can count, but recently it’s been bugging me. The concept of “it must be nice!” I feel like the phrase is tossed around a lot and it’s never meant to be positive. If somebody’s been spending a month or two traveling the world the overwhelming response… including my own at times has been “must be nice,” insisting privilege or wealth instead of the fact that they’ve probably been dreaming about it for a while or worked hard to make it happen. Maybe there’s paparazzi footage of a famous celebrity out and about on a weekend with their full-time nanny. Everyone comes out in full force with a “ that must be nice” mentality. As a whole, instead of rooting people on we compare to one another and it just leaves us irritable and bitter. Those that struggle with money on a daily basis don’t know how they’d use it if they came into a ton of it and those that have a ton of money aren’t always that keen to how the average American lives. But I asked myself if being on the other side of it would make any of my problems go away… and I don’t think it really would. We create our environment and in turn we all struggle, stress and do the best we can with the cards we have been dealt. 

     I still remember our first year after getting married when we were pregnant with our first. I was teaching first grade and my husband was a teller at a local bank. We weren’t making a ton of money, but were slowly getting everything ready for the baby and enjoying the small projects to making our first house our home. I believe it was 4 months before our son was born, my husband  was offered a promotion to work with the sales team. His salary would double, but would cause him to be on the road four to five nights a week. living in hotels, and coming back for Saturday and Sunday only. I still remember sitting at the dinner table discussing this in great detail because thankfully everything we decided was a team effort. We discussed the pros and cons of taking it and not taking it. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to influence his decision except for weighing out all the options because I knew this was a big opportunity and I didn’t want to have him pick anything that he would regret later. I do have to admit we were on the exact same page from the beginning which made it much easier on both of us. The money would definitely have helped us in so many ways causing us less stress, allowing me to stay home for the first year without working, and adding to our savings account. At the same time we love to be together and our family is super important to us. We had talked it over with friends and family to gain some extra input and just about everybody said the promotion would be the best idea and not taking it would be crazy. In the end, he chose to not take the promotion so that he could be around when the baby was born and be a dad who was present from the first day. To this day, I think it was the best decision for our family and I’m grateful that he’s always putting us first and being a dad is so important to him. 

     I think the fact that he declined the promotion blew everybody’s mind except ours. Everybody has their reasons for being surprised as we grow up being told that money and status are important. Without it, you won’t move up in the world or have the big and fancy things that people strive for and I’m okay with that. 

     Over the years I’ve gotten to know myself pretty well. When my husband was in high school in Virginia, he had been recruited to join the military with a friend on the buddy system. He was seconds away from joining the Marines before ultimately deciding it wasn’t for him. Now I loved him then and I love him now, but I  mentioned after he gave me the news that I am not a military wife. These women are some of the strongest people I’ve ever met, but knowing myself… living in constant fear, not knowing when it if you’ll see them again and the single mom life isn’t something I’m capable or want. At least not willingly. To this day I’ve always had a what if in the back of my mind on whether or not we’d still be together if he had signed those papers or if my life would have taken a crazy wild turn in some other direction. 

     Societal norms tend to teach us that money is power and if you don’t want to work your way to the top, there ultimately might be something wrong with you. I think with more and more people trying to find their happy, there is a dynamic that’s changing. A few years ago I started living with the motto, “ if it doesn’t make you happy, change it” and I’ve been enjoying it so far. I quit my job and changed professions, moved to a new state and downsized my entire life from the house, to the cars to the bills. I went from giving everyone everything I had to learning how to say no and setting healthy boundaries. It’s hard to be consistent and I definitely provide myself many reminders throughout the day, but it comes down to only having one life and not wanting to live with regrets. I no longer want to wake up unexcited for the day and counting down the minutes until I’m in bed. I no longer will accept toxic people or environments simply because I have no other choice. This is the only life we get and I’ll be damned if it isn’t going to be the best!