The Poor Mom Revolution

     It’s hard to imagine what parenting will be like until it happens to you. All the hypotheticals in the world wouldn’t prepare you for the sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, managing your emotions alongside your kids, and unexpected stresses that happen along the way. Then add having to go back to work, dropping your child off with family, friends or daycare and feeling like you’re missing out on so much. Will you be there for their first words or steps? Are you able to hang with them and watch them grow for more than 2-3 hours a day? Being a working parent is hard work, exhausting, never ending, and you are left feeling half full many days. The emotional strain of asking whether you are doing enough over and over again wears you down. 

     The world we live in values hard work. That tends to mean more time outside the home with many two family working households. The average American works a 40 hour work week with 25% of us working 70+ hours. Many times we need to make a decision to either work or be there for our kids. Adjusting your hours to have someone home after school, just to miss their sporting events they so desperately want you to watch. For us it has always been a battle. We want to be present parents, simple as that! We will make decisions to put them first and sometimes there are opportunities that conflict with that and it weighs heavy on us. 

     It’s that battle of our personal wants and needs versus our kids. It’s the constant back and forth of working to make money, having money to live more comfortably and do things with the kids, but the more you work the less time for all the extras. Every evening we then contemplate if this work/ life balance is a thing that is attainable and if we were present enough for the kids throughout the day.

     I’m not shy about the fact that I struggled with parenting and boundaries when I was teaching. I would constantly bring lesson planning, grading and journaling home each night as well on weekends. I felt the need to respond to parents with questions or concerns after hours and my brain never shut off from the day. I’d constantly be thinking about the kids struggling behaviorally or academically and what I could do the following day to help them get over that hurdle. While all this was going on in my head I’d be drained, touched out and emotionally absent for my family once I got home. 7-8 hours with 21-25 kids all day long is a lot and the stress that comes along with all the extra expectations from the department heads, principals and school board. I came to a point where I needed to decide if it was going to be teaching or my family. I’ve never regretted my decision. 

     Many times your job is a way of life. It is all you know to measure your success and becomes all encompassing. You need money in order to survive and so your job becomes your livelihood. It holds that monetary value, most times is connected to your insurance benefits and makes it next to impossible to think of much else. I’m sometimes envious of other countries that go home for lunch as it’s family time, they don’t work above 40 hours and definitely don’t consider work to be their most important quality. I sometimes think we’ve gotten our priorities all screwy. 

     I’m finally at a stage in life where I want my work to be fun, fulfilling and bring me happiness, but allow that family balance I need. I’m at a stage where I will be using my paid vacation days and I won’t feel guilty about it. I’m excited to be able to take the kids to their sporting events, sitting on the sidelines at practice, helping with homework and enjoying family dinners every night. I’ve only got a guaranteed 8-10 years left with my babies before they figure their lives and I’m left twiddling my thumbs. 

     My husband and I have both had jobs with zero flexibility. It was a struggle if our kids were sick and we had to stay home with them, we both weren’t guaranteed to be home for dinner and all the cute childcare activities like ‘Donuts with dad’s or the ‘Mothers Day Tea’ were always something we had to miss. It felt like we were picking a job which we didn’t enjoy over moments with our kids. And it didn’t take us too long to realize this wasn’t something we were willing to sacrifice. I still remember my son’s face when I made it to watch his soccer shots practice. He had been talking about all the goals he was shooting and he just wanted us to see him. It was worth the 2 hours off to see that smile.

     Sometimes as a working parent I feel like I’m juggling a million things. I’m constantly stressed about all the things I’m not able to get to each day that I forget to live in the moment and enjoy what’s happening around me. I’ve made a point to be more grateful and enjoy the little moments. I’ve been forcing myself to step out of my own way and remember how much I used to love the little noises, and giggles and conversations when they were little and how the constant bickering, fighting and talking back this week has almost taken me to the point of no return. I know I’ll miss these moments too when they’re gone. For now, I’m just attempting to take in every second, go to the math and reading nights they so love and be as present and active as I possibly can be.

     The moment I’m home I spend as much time and attention on my kids and whatever is left goes to cooking, cleaning, laundry, bedtime and whatever else I can think of. It’s an endless list that honestly haunts me. I miss binge watching my shows, reading endless pages of books, movie nights, talking to my husband uninterrupted and just relaxing at night. Lately, being a working parent feels like a rat race I didn’t sign up for and can’t escape. So many people look forward to retirement, which I’m not entirely sure I’ll have in the traditional sense, and it’s a long time to wait to start living your life. I want to enjoy the trips and activities now when we can all do these things together than wait for a time that may never come.