The Poor Mom Revolution

     There was a theory called “Big Rocks” that I had heard for the first time when I started working at my summer camp. During our orientation back when I was in college, they did a demonstration that I still think about on a daily basis. The term Big Rocks is all about the priorities in your life. They had a large glass jar and added sand to it. Asked if it was full. Then tiny pebbles and stones were added in as well. Asked again if it was full. They now added the big rocks to the jar and as they overflowed they asked again… Every time along the way the whole group would think it was full each time but we were always able to add more. Now the concept was that it wasn’t full as there were tiny gaps throughout the jar and all the items didn’t fit well as a lot of the big rocks were overflowing from the jar. 

     What stuck with me… was that there was a better way to add the contents to the jar. If you started with the Big Rocks first, then the tiny pebbles, followed by the sand… it would fill in all the little nooks and crannies. The symbolism was that the Big Rocks are the most important and vital things in your life. The things you love, the necessities throughout each day and cannot live without and should always be at the top of your list. If you leave the Big rocks for last you’ll run out of space and/or time so these things need to go first.  The pebbles and small stones are the things that are moderately important like all the crazy sports, dinner and cleaning schedules that need to get done while the sand are the least important tasks and things that can sometimes drag you down. 

     I used to have my priorities backwards. I always thought that working and making money were the Big Rocks and put all my time and energy into it. I then realized that not only was I stressed, overworked, undervalued and unappreciated that I was considered a number and easily replaceable in all my previous positions. I was taking work home, working overtime, staying late and busting my butt over and over again until there was nothing left. But as much as work in some capacity is vital to continue living the life I want, it wasn’t worth my sanity and well being. My Big Rocks are my family and honestly everything changed when I began prioritizing them before all else.

     Being a working parent is hard. You’re always torn between spending quality time with your favorite people and catching up on everything you haven’t gotten to. Or if you’re anything like me, quietly stressing and stewing about things you haven’t gotten to, but are on your forever move to the next day list. 

     Slowly but surely am I attempting to not freak out when I enter the house and there are dirty dishes in the sink and on the counter, bins of clean clothes to fold and put away, backpacks/lunches scattered on the floor and the overwhelming kicks in. I don’t deal well with clutter. I wish it didn’t cause instant stress, but I’m a work in progress. Coming home after a long day of work and rushing to do homework, soccer practice, dinner and our much needed snuggles and storytime are on the top of my list, the rest of the things fall to the wayside. Do I get upset and feel like I’m not doing it all?  Of course, but I also know it’s next to impossible as there aren’t enough hours in the day and I’m not a machine. 

     I remember when the kids were teeny and they used to say when they were a little bit older things would just get a little bit easier. I’m realizing now that it really doesn’t matter what age they are as there are always new challenges that come in and new situations that arise. Parenting is about changing and adapting with them so you never really get used to anything.  I remember being at the supermarket when one of my kids was throwing a mini tantrum and a mother looked at me with her teenage daughter and said “I remember when mine was that little.” When I asked her if it gets easier she simply said, “ It’s always hard. Just a different kind.” And I feel that …. Little people, little problems. Big people, Big problems. That kind of honesty is appreciated. I don’t need it sugar coated and told everything’s going to be sunshine rainbows once they’re more independent. I need to know that over the years I’ve built up the strength to be the best mom I can be and as it gets harder, I have the strength to be there through the thick of it. 

     Every day you’ll fill your jar with Big Rocks, pebbles and sand. The Big Rocks are the things in your life you want to prioritize. The things in your life that would leave a hole in your heart if they weren’t there anymore. The things that make you smile, want to wake up each day and make this crazy thing called life worth every second. Think about that for a second. Is it the messy house, the new whatever you wanted to buy yourself but couldn’t, the storm that interrupted your plans at the pool? I think not. It’s the love you have for you and your people, and the hobbies that light a fire under you. What are your Big Rocks?