The Poor Mom Revolution

     One of the hardest things about parenting so far are the predetermined expectations we have for our kids. We have this mindset of where we think they’ll be at specific times and it doesn’t always work out that way. Many times we’re flying blind and I’ve spoken before about how so many of us think we’re the perfect parents until we finally be become one for ourselves. This job isn’t for the weak, that’s for sure. 

     Being an educator, I worked hard giving the kids everything we could. We read to them as babies, allowed them to explore and become independent, narrated our day and used normal vocabulary, allowed them to try new activities to explore their interests just to name a few. We wanted to make sure they were confident in themselves and in turn knew that they could branch out of their comfort zones and thrive. 

     I remember the first time we really struggled as parents was when my son was in preschool. He was struggling a lot with letters and their matching sounds. Since he’s an end of August baby, there were weeks between him and the cut off date to Kindergarten. I wanted to have him repeat Preschool to allow him that extra time to really get the fundamentals of reading, while my husband didn’t want to hold him back as it could also have long term consequences. We debated for sooo long as we knew the decision had a deadline and we both knew the positives and negatives of both. After lots of discussions, talks and tears from me of course, we decided an extra year of preschool would help him more than it would hurt him and give him that extra year to focus on reading so he struggled less once he entered elementary school.

     We were feeling really good about our decision as he started making progress. Letters and sounds started to click in preschool and once he entered Kindergarten he was working hard alongside his classmates. We did have to practice on site words at home, but we felt like we did the right thing and didn’t need to keep questioning it. In March of that year, Covid kept the kids home for a year and the progress we felt that was made slowly disappeared. Both my son and daughter were struggling and we didn’t even know where to begin once they missed that core instruction in school. They started Title I reading which allowed for push in and pull out help throughout the school day and that seemed to help my daughter a lot, but as my son got older, the more he struggled. The more upset he’d get when his friends were reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Harry Potter when he was still on Beginning Readers, Fly Guy and DogMan stories. He began to slowly resent school and it was a struggle to do anything. Once again, my husband and I were at a standstill and we ourselves were super frustrated. We questioned whether or not to get him evaluated to see if there is an underlying struggle. This would  mean a super long test with potentially no answer, or hope that it “clicks” soon enough and wait it out. 

     The special education teacher in me was screaming out for help. I was a part of IEP meetings before and helped parents understand what would be in the best interest of their child and for some reason, being on the opposite side of things, to be completely honest…sucks. It made me feel like a complete failure. Why didn’t I reach out sooner?  How could I not know he needed help? Ultimately, I wanted someone to make the decision for us and tell us what to do. My brain was a mess… What if it came back negative and we put him through a 3-4 hour test for no reason making him hate school even more. Part of me would be thrilled if it came back with a learning disability because it would mean that the struggles were because he needed some extra help that we couldn’t provide at home and he’d now have that. On the other hand it would also mean that we waited too long to make a decision and we wasted precious time because we hesitated and second guessed ourselves. The back and forth was exhausting and my heart was breaking. After a lot of evening discussions we decided to evaluate and it changed everything! We went from feeling alone to having a community of teachers helping us find the best way to move forward. There is no overnight fix, but the strategies, and working on his actual reading level have allowed him to see so much improvement in such a short amount of time. 

     I think the moment we all realized there was a way through… the stressing and the overthinking stopped. Having a learning disability in reading didn’t stop him from doing anything he loved, we just adjusted things a bit. He’s slowly becoming more patient with himself and we couldn’t be more proud! 

    Like everything else… when something isn’t working I try and figure out why. Part of the problem and what didn’t help with their difficulty with reading was that it started from the top down. My husband and I both struggled with reading growing up and it was never our favorite thing to do so the kids didn’t see it as a normal thing or part of our routine. We read throughout the day, but they never saw us reading for enjoyment. If we aren’t practicing what we preach, why would I expect them to listen and follow my lead. At the start of 2024, the kids received evening reading lights with new books and we scheduled time to sit down together and read a physical book or listen to a book on tape. It was easy without the craziness of soccer added to the schedule, but the kids made a goal to read 20 minutes a night and my goal was 12 books a year. I barely read three last year but once I find something I enjoy it isn’t hard to find the time. So a book a month seemed like a healthy stretch. I’m proud to say that as of June 1st, I completed my annual goal of 12 books in half the time I thought it would take. The kids were just as excited as I was and I’m so proud that I’ve been carving out the time to do so. I have NEVER considered myself a reader before. 

     Parenting starts when we accept our faults and shortcomings in order to improve and do better moving forward. I was part of the problem by letting my own bias and expectations get in the way and wanted to make sure I was now a part of the solution. Parenting is so hard and we’re constantly going back and forth hoping we’ve made the right decision. We’re stressing and putting so much pressure on ourselves to get it right the first time and sometimes we won’t and that’s okay too. I know not all of you will have a child struggling in school, or with learning difficulties… but the truth stands. You’re doing the best you can with the time and information you have. If things aren’t going as planned, it is never too late to pivot. Make sure you’re being the role model you would have wanted when you were little.