The Poor Mom Revolution

I’m coming up to my 12-year wedding anniversary at the end of the year. It constantly has me thinking and reminiscing about the journey it took to get where we are and where we will be in the future. I’m so incredibly lucky to share this crazy life with my best friend. Without him, I’m not sure any of this would feel as amazing and worthwhile as it does. As I come up to my 1 year Blog Anniversary, I can’t help but remember calling him on my way home to explain my new idea! Remembering the excitement in my voice where I mentioned how much I enjoy writing, sharing and helping others. That I have no current hobbies, which has been driving me insane, but this would be a great place to start! How he never understood my love for journaling because all his favorite things to do are hands on, but continues to support me every step of the way. Forever grateful for his ability to hear out my idea as I brainstormed it aloud and amazed that I’ve been able to continue this every week for the year.

For some reason, my brain is hardwired for me to look at all the things I haven’t done as opposed to everything I’ve completed. It forces me to look ahead and plan for every possible future outcome, but not live in the present. I struggle to simply enjoy the calm, quiet moments instead of stressing about what I should be doing instead. As far as I’ve come, I still have a lot to work on. I think self discovery and change is always a struggle, but having someone to keep you in check is important. When I work out I have an accountability buddy to make sure I’m consistent and checking in. In life, with all things, he is that person for me. Always helping to be a guiding light towards the goals I’ve set for myself.

I was talking to a friend recently, when someone mentioned codependence. My husband and I, along with our kids, are pretty much always together. We’re kind of a package deal. Now I love to be around him and that means we go to the supermarket together, yard sale hunting, apple/pumpkin picking, home depot or trips to the transfer station. Now every single one of these things can be done by myself. I’ve gone out plenty of times alone, taken solo girls trips and some with the kids. I don’t NEED him to be there, but I definitely prefer it. I do think we use the term codependence all wrong. In reality, codependence is a relationship addiction. It’s usually one-sided, self destructive and is about an emotional reliance on another person. This is completely different from two people who love each other equally, wanting to spend as much time together as possible. We’re starting to live in a time where we are told not to depend on other people for anything and in turn we wind up with trust issues. We take on a lot more than we can handle, having a hard time sharing the load and stressing ourselves out. Having an equal relationship with a partner where you feel safe and comfortable asking for things you each need is taken for granted and not easily found. I am a firm believer that the key to a successful relationship is friendship. A relationship is hard, comes with struggles, and nothing will change that. Every single day you need to show up, work hard and choose each other all over again. Two people from different backgrounds working together on a ton of different situations that you may or may not agree on. Relationships will challenge you when it comes to dreams, lifestyle or professional changes, With a true friend, you’re able to talk about anything. You don’t have a fear of judgment or embarrassment, a lull in conversations… It’s natural, easy and worth fighting for. You are able to listen and understand where they are coming from, whether you agree on everything or not. You value their opinion and honesty as they value yours. Communication becomes more natural. I believe actively working alongside your best friend makes everything that much easier.

Saturday was a rough day for me. I was in my head too much and thinking of crazy possibilities that may never happen. Thinking and stewing about things that were out of my control which in turn was making me upset. I was spiraling silently and I was having a hard time snapping out of it. The one and only person that would be able to see it without a word would be my husband. My husband leaned into me, forehead to forehead, and brought me back to reality. Told me that we have an incredible, beautiful family that wants to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. That I’m such a great mom and we have amazing kids. When I’m in the “nothing is going right” mentality, he is always able to bring me back to the present and remind me how amazing we have it. Last night, we made cakes in a mug, snuggled up on the couch with blankets and watched a movie. It was exactly what I needed and love these moments we get to have together no matter how many of them we have left.

Since the day we got married, I had this vision of going on a trip on a 10-year wedding anniversary with our kids. To renew our wedding vows on a beach with the kids on either side of us. I’ve been creating my 4-year travel plan and how I’m going to save enough for all of it. I am happy to say it is in the works for our 15-year wedding anniversary. Sometimes things don’t always happen when you think they will, but they’ll be better than you ever expected. This will be a beautiful family trip and the kids will be old enough to remember and experience it with us. I believe love can be hard to come by and it’s something to be celebrated and cherished. I got really lucky meeting him so young, but that didn’t mean we didn’t work through a lot as we grew up together. There is no shortcut to making a relationship work. There is a ton of time, passion, love, communication and understanding. When you do find that person… you’d do everything to keep it!