The Poor Mom Revolution

Parenting is insane. Sometimes you think it’s black and white, while the majority of it is about staying consistently in the gray. You have set notions of things you want your kids to know, learn and understand, while feeling as though you have to correct and make up for things from your own childhood. I’m constantly saying that there’s no rule book when it comes to being a parent and no matter what choice you go with there is always a second guessing that happens. But I guess that’s part of growing, developing, and permanently living outside your comfort zone. Some days are awesome and other days suck immensely. You’re just constantly trying to do the best for your kids that depend on you to keep them safe, while making decisions your inner child will thank you for.

Everyday I question whether I did enough, I was too overprotective or if I was able to get out of my own head to give them the attention and love they deserve. Most days they are smiling and excited to be around us and share things about their day, while other days they are constantly bickering with one another until our heads hurt, and on those rare occasions we are the worst and they’d rather be in their rooms with the doors closed. It’s hard to keep up with the moods and not blame yourself when things don’t go as planned.

Part of my mother duties and the fact that I’m a planner means that I set up most of our activities and plans. I put so much thought into things to make sure that it’s pretty darn awesome. A kids dream if I do say so myself. But of course, sometimes the kids ‘ruin’ the vibe with their attitudes. The mood swings, fighting and arguing or the constant hangry personality is the ruiner of fun.

Take yesterday for example. It wound up being an incredible day, but there was a bit of touch and go for a minute. We started off with a soccer game in the early afternoon. Headed over to our favorite dessert spot for an afternoon treat of pumpkin soft serve ice cream and/or a donut. Kids were so excited until they wanted to purchase more than one thing. We stated again it’s a pre lunch snack and to choose your top choice. We got a few pouts and mumbles, but ultimately we ordered pretty quickly. Of course the powdered ‘jelly’ donut actually had cream inside so there was a bit of a let down that soured the mood for a while. We then grabbed a bite to eat at Mod Pizza which magically had a Sunday special of buy an adult pizza entree and get a kids meal free! Like what?!? How lucky were we! We got all of us a meal, for half the price! BUT… the kids wanted their typical unlimited topping pizza and not the free cheese pizza with apple juice. Another small let down for sure. We enjoyed our lunch with small attitudes from our pre teens before surprising them with a little Dorney Park Halloween Haunt action to finish our day. We went on a few rides, got face painted and enjoyed the fun atmosphere. Only we didn’t allow them to do the arcade or expensive carnival games at $10 a pop so we got the let down face.

Now this wasn’t a typical day and my kids are typically very grateful, which I’m thankful for. Ultimately, they are children and they have to try and get away with things in order to learn and understand boundaries we’ve set. Even though I understand why they are constantly asking for the next best thing when we’re in it and trying to enjoy, it’s still frustrating and annoying. I just want them to enjoy that we went out to eat, had some dessert, went to an amusement park without looking at all the things we didn’t get to do.

When the kids are having their moments and begin to act out, I blame myself. I know the books and psychologists say that the kids become more vulnerable and lose their marbles at home because it’s around those they feel safest and loved by. Part of me feels that when they have those moments it’s because somewhere along the line, I’ve failed to give them the strategies they need to understand their emotions before they get to this point. The skills to de-escalate when they feel the emotions coming on, share when they need help prior to shutting down and the triggers of knowing how they feel and not being able to change the cycle. Parenting is so mentally draining. I constantly need to manage my own triggers as I know I also can heighten a situation by the way I respond to the kids. My husband will remind me that I don’t need to match the kids’ attitude when they get sassy and ultimately he’s right. It’s a response when I get pissed with theirs and they’re just practicing and learning that it’s an appropriate response, because I’m demonstrating it. Back to blaming myself again…

Remember at the beginning of this when I mentioned that some days are awesome and others suck? I was sitting on the couch this past week with my daughter. I was finishing up one of my romance novels, while she was studying the Northeast states on her school iPad. She told me a story about a friend in her class who said she was her best friend. Then proceeded to ask, “Am I your best friend too?” My daughter kindly let her know that she was her second best friend because her mom was her first. Her friend giggled and said, “ You can’t beat a Mother’s love.” She snuggled up to me a little bit more on the couch and told me she loved me. That was one of the best moments and I’ll cherish and play back that like a movie for years to come. Parenting is a lot! I spend every waking moment thinking, worrying, proud and grateful for my kids. I’m thinking about them non stop and can never actually turn my brain off even when I’m sleeping. I’ve realized that there is no separating myself from my mom persona. We are two peas in a pod. I can’t hold a long conversation without mentioning either of my kids so don’t even bother asking about my weekend as you’ll get a full soccer rundown. I honestly don’t know who I’d be without them anymore. I say that in all seriousness as someone who now has a few hobbies, loves my time with my friends, enjoys some alone time here or there and is able to be independent from them without losing my marbles … finally! I fully accept that from here on out I will always have the nickname MamaBear among my friends. I give off mom vibes, what can I say?

Motherhood is a journey of incredible ups and downs. When you feel like you’ve mastered all the things it when you’re struggling to get through the day. For those of you that don’t hear it enough, you are doing an incredible job, you’re the best parent those kids could ask for and your kids love you to pieces. On that note, have the best day ever!