The Poor Mom Revolution

I had seen a comedian reel a while back where he was making jokes about how women live and breathe girls trips. That women constantly plan, countdown and take active measures to go away and do something fun, while men don’t tend to have the same motivation or want to do that. On stage it seemed to be a battle of wanting to “escape life,” while playing devil’s advocate would push me to say it’s about balance.

I’m finding more times than not, the mom becomes the default parent. I feel like this term has become a buzz word and has been used to degrade or minimize the parenting of your other half, which I can’t stand. I know a ton of incredible dads, especially my husband. He is super active around the house, cooks and cleans, takes the kids to and from where they need to go, grabs groceries and does all of the things that we need to make everything smooth. He’s the yin to my yang. I’d say we’re pretty darn equal in all capacities and share the load quite well. Even still, 9 times out of 10 the kids will walk past my husband to get to me and ask me a question. As the one that keeps everyone’s schedule and calendar in place, It can be exhausting managing everyone around you and no matter how much support I have, it can still feel like things will fall apart without me. I feel like that internal pressure that we put on ourselves and that I constantly carry around makes us feel as though we are a default parent. It makes us need to have time away to check out and just have no responsibilities. Hence the need for a girls trip!

The dream of waking up and laying in bed because you can. Enjoying uninterrupted lounge time by the pool and beach. Enjoying a full meal at a nice restaurant without worrying about having to leave right after eating or entertaining. It’s not a life I’d want forever, but a few days feels like paradise. I honestly can’t remember the last time I fell asleep, tanned or relaxed in a lounge chair at the beach. Just an incredible feeling.

Currently, I’m on my last day of a 5-day all inclusive girls trip in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. Soaking up all things sun, reading in peace, feeling the sun on my skin and feeling a little guilty about it. Everyone deserves to have a vacay every once in a while and I think 2019 was the one and only time I’ve really had time to myself to think, reflect as a person and not just as a mother. Being a mother is the most important job I’ll ever have, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but it is my entire personality 99% of the time.

Even though it doesn’t happen often, my friend times are my favorite type of getaway. I laugh until I cry or wheeze. We talk endlessly for hours about nothing and everything all at the same time. They are there to celebrate the highs and listen through the lows. My tribe may be small, but it’s mighty and so thankful that traveling is always on the table. In April, we started brainstorming a fun girls trip. I mentioned that I’ve never done a beach or all inclusive as an adult. That it would be one of the most relaxing experiences I could ever dream about! We researched places and booked the same day. I came home sooo excited and knew that I needed to share all the exciting details and resort photos.

I met an awesome couple at one of the pool parties during our stay. The wife asked me if I was there with my husband. I let her know it was a girls trip and he was at home with the kids. She was amazed! She proceeded to tell me that she could never since he wouldn’t allow it if he wasn’t on the trip with her. It kind of caught me by surprise even though I know that’s a thing. I know for a fact that I married someone who is my equal partner and that has a give and take built in. There are things he needs to do and places to go and I adjust my schedule to make that easier just like he does for me. It’s not asking for permission, but a level of mutual respect. It’s a partnership and one that I’ll never take for granted.

This trip was the most relaxed I’ve been in years. Between the ocean, beach, reading 2 books, eating healthy meals, spa treatments and tons of laughter… nothing could have prepared me for wanting to do it again with and without the family. There is something so therapeutic about spending time with close friends. It always makes your heart a little more full. If you haven’t booked a trip with your besties in a while… get a day, overnight, weekend or week vacation in the calendar for this upcoming year. You’ll never regret the time you spent on yourself and filling that cup of yours so you’re more present for your kids and family each day. Let me know where you’d love to go!