The Poor Mom Revolution

I find being confident in my own skin is one of the hardest things personally. It’s a constant internal battle of if i’m doing enough, am I setting a good enough example for the kids, the amount of pressure I put on myself when I don’t reach certain goals and inevitably feel like I’ve failed. Just like my attitude and mindset can change from day to day… so can my body both inside and out.

One of my favorite things to do when I’m feeling a bit low or down on myself is to look at old photos of me in my prime. Nothing makes you feel better than looking at a photo of yourself from a few years ago at your thinnest. The quick thoughts that pass in and out of wishing you could be back there even if at the time you weren’t where you wanted to be. The time when you had the ability to workout consistently, 5-6 days a week and portion all your meals. The time when worrying about yourself was all you needed to do. It’s always so easy to compare yourself to the past you or someone else, but it’s impossible to compare to a different version of yourself because there are different factors at play. Not only are you in different places in life, you have different responsibilities, different hormones, and you’ve grown so much. I wouldn’t want to be at a time when, even at my thinnest, I wasn’t satisfied with where I was and how hard I had been working.

I don’t know what it is about the world we live in that makes us feel gross or not good enough for having babies and not bouncing back right away. Like for God sakes, we created life for almost a year and expect to just have that pre baby body. I remember having my first and not realizing I’d walk out like I was 5 or 6 months pregnant. I honestly thought that my belly was all baby and it would just magically deflate and go back to the way things were. Truth is when you’re in charge of another human being 24/7, it’s okay to take longer to get back into a routine and to start feeling like you again.

I’m finally at a point where my life is feeling good and I’m back on track. I’ve got some resemblance of a routine down with the kids and we’re making it work. With that being said I’m still feeling blah. I don’t like feeling icky in my own skin and it makes me feel crappy just thinking about it. I was feeling so confident and amazing for a while and of course life took a bit of a toll. From being a working mom, to constantly being a chauffeur for the kids, birthday parties, cleaning, making plans to sustain my adult friendships… It’s overwhelming! I sometimes wonder how people seem to do it all, but realizing no one does. You pick and choose based on necessities and priorities in that moment and let everything else fall to the wayside. I’ve definitely put my working outs to the side which doesn’t help as they always make me feel better and it is a snowball effect. When I workout, I feel better which in turn makes me make smarter eating choices and my overall mood increases.

Last year around this time, I was struggling. I was exhausted, my anxiety was through the roof, I couldn’t focus, getting constant headaches and finally called my doctor. She was one of the first people to take my symptoms seriously and ordered me to take a blood test with a vitamin check. Turned out I was deficient in iron, B12 and D3 which were causing most, if not all of the symptoms. She told me what vitamins and how much to take daily and started me on a monthly B12 shot. If you would have told me that my vitamin levels being out of whack would have that big of an effect on my mood, I wouldn’t have believed you!

I remember the time when my littles were babies and toddler aged and didn’t eat through a week’s worth of groceries in 2 to 3 days. When fresh produce was a quarter of the price and for some reason things just seemed different back then. Maybe even a tad bit easier.

I 100% know that when my kids were tiny and I had two under two that it wasn’t easier. Everyday had amazing parts and overwhelming ones, times that made me want to cry and laugh until my stomach hurt, but the difference was that at the time I was fighting for myself. When the kids were little, I had gotten to a low that I didn’t think I could pull myself out of. I needed to remember how strong I was on my own in order to be stronger for my kids and I succeeded. For over a year and a half, I made my health a priority. I went in the morning or the afternoon for an hour-long HIIT kickboxing class and it was just for me. It really is something when your fitness community becomes your family. They hold you accountable, allow you to vent and take it out on the bag, making me come back feeling great and ready to take on the day.

My daughter is in that stage now where she constantly wants to be a grown up. She’s beginning to act well beyond her years and wants to make her own decisions. She constantly talks about the house and apartment she’s going to have, the bills she’ll be paying for and all that jazz. I keep telling her not to rush it. I remember being her age and constantly thinking about the next step and wanting to skip to the good part. I wish I could tell younger me to live in the present a bit more, because no two moments are alike. All I can do is remind her that she is currently living her best life. She can do what she wants, when she wants to and follow whatever hobby or dream she’s excited about without the pressures of money, jobs or external pressures. Here’s to hoping at least.

This goes to show how many different factors can truly affect your health and overall mood. I think it’s okay to fluctuate and figure things out as you go along and you need to cut yourself some slack. This life we live isn’t easy, but we got this! I’m excited to try classes again even if it’s only 1-2 days a week to build that community and drive again. How are you feeling with the life/family/health balance?