The Poor Mom Revolution

I read a quote recently about finally understanding their parents when they’d say,” you can’t go there, but your friends can come here.” As a parent, your number one job is to protect your kids and guide them as they grow up and become their own person. There is definitely a fine line between protecting your kids, and wanting them to learn that everyone and family is different.

Growing up I never rode the bus, and I was excited when my kids were able to have that opportunity. Very quickly I realized that the buses, as understaffed as they were, didn’t have any bus aides and it was simply the driver and between 20 and 30 kids. When you have that many kids unsupervised between the massive gap of kindergarten and 8th grade, crap is going to inevitably happen. I knew at some point the kids would come in contact and learn the things they’ve come off the bus asking. Between the many colorful curse words, sex conversations, and YouTube videos, they’ve been shown… I have been pretty mortified to say the least. We have gone back and forth about changing our work schedules in order to be able to drop them off and pick them up, but it hasn’t quite been as easy as it sounds.

I’ve chalked it up to temporarily teaching some life skills about how not everyone acts the way they should when no one’s watching. Some kids try to get away with stuff or use words that they know they’re not allowed to use if there was a teacher or an adult there, but the bus is kind of free reign for everyone. It’s disappointing. And quite disgusting that at the age of 6 and 7, I had to have a sex talk because of things they were shown on the bus. I was asked a ton of questions and as upset as I was It was worth an explanation. If they’re learning these things, even at such a young age and questioning it, they’re curious, nervous or confused. Knowing that they are able to easily find the answers, either through Google or someone at school. I’d rather them have accurate information and the ability to know that if they ask a question they will receive an honest answer from us. The biggest problem I have with it is that they’re being forced to grow up much faster than they should. I’ve told my kids to repeatedly talk to the bus driver and the principal when they get to school and sometimes they are handled quickly and efficiently and sometimes they are not.

I understand everyone raises their kids differently, which is why as parents we need to be very cautious and picky with who we allow our kids to spend time with. I remember growing up and going to people’s houses that had different family and background situations. I remember the kids who lived with grandparents and those that were divorced and even though they had different family living situations than mine, I hadn’t felt uncomfortable.

Since my kids started school, we’ve lived in two different towns with two different bus systems. My son’s first year on the bus was when he was in kindergarten. For quite a while he’d come home upset and not tell us what the reasoning was behind it. After prying it out of him, we found out the child assigned to sit next to him was hitting him with the metal part of the seatbelt and leaving marks. We spoke to the bus driver immediately, moved his seat and told the school. He didn’t want to get the kid in trouble so he waited to let us know.

We had an instance a few years ago with my daughter as she kept getting her butt slapped during the school day. She had spoken to the teacher and it seemed like it was constantly when they were in line and the teacher wasn’t there to see it. We had spoken to our daughter about boundaries, personal space, and what people couldn’t touch without permission. She was getting really upset and frustrated with it and I wound up having a talk about consent with my 7-year-old daughter. She was more concerned with him being mad or upset with her than saying she didn’t like it. We talked about getting loud when something like this happens and makes you feel uncomfortable, constantly telling the teacher, and when the solution couldn’t be solved parent to parent, the principal helped us navigate it.

Thankfully my kids are extremely open and let us know exactly what happens on the bus going and coming home. There have been times I had to pull the mama bear back as I would have shown up on people’s doorsteps. I understand curse words and things like that happen and with kids in middle school they’re going to see people kissing or making out or whatever as much as I’d like to prevent that. What they shouldn’t be seeing are half naked women dancing in thongs on people’s phones through YouTube videos, or demonstrations on how to use a dildo when you’re in third grade. As a former teacher of 9 years, I’ve never considered homeschooling more than we have the last few years. I feel as though some things build character and develop your strength, while some things are simply inappropriate for children to have to deal with and manage.

As a kid who vividly remembers dealing with a lot of the inner turmoil of growing alone, I made a promise that my kids wouldn’t have to. I wanted to have them tell me when they were being picked on, kids were being inappropriate or making them uncomfortable. I didn’t realize how much pain I’d feel alongside them when they shared it. My daughter has gotten the brunt of it and all year she’s been being called ugly and fat on a daily basis. No matter the positive affirmations we have been doing since she was little, it doesn’t override the sadness she feels. Being mean to someone else and learning how to deal with it isn’t building character and strength… It’s building lifelong confidence, mental health and body issues. I’ve lived it and still remember the kids that would call me fat, or stare at my body while changing for gym class. Still remember being told I could no longer sit at a lunch table because I wasn’t wanted. I remember being threatened and called a slut for months in high school based on a lie made up by a jealous ex.

There are so many things I wish I could shelter my kids from having to deal with for the next few years, but I know a lot of the issues are constant and not dealt with within the zero tolerance policies of schools. The main difference I can do now is have an open line of communication with my kids so they don’t feel the need to take it all on alone. Just give me the strength to not always cry with them when their hearts break.