The Poor Mom Revolution

Being a mom is the most meaningful, and exhausting job you’ll ever have. You’re on 24/7 with hardly any breaks. Someone either needs you to feed them, change them, listen to them, or watch them at every point of the day. It’s a beautiful thing that can wear you out until you’re exhausted, have no energy left and sometimes feeling alone in it all.

I am thankfully at a point in my life where a lot of those around me are having babies. I get to help, spoil and watch my friends become moms! It’s beautiful, and all I want to do is help!

I remember feeling utterly alone when I had mine. I desperately needed a break to shower, breathe or nap, but I would never in a million years ask for it. There is something terrible about the way my brain processes that I always think I’m a burden to others. I will never ask for help, but I’m always the first one to offer it. Kind of a double standard if you ask me.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that if someone you love or trust, offers to help you, accept it. Whether it’s to sit down, relax, watch a movie and hold the baby for a minute. If you just need a little bit of girl chat and someone to refill your social battery. If you feel like you haven’t showered in days and just need a few minutes alone, or the dishes have piled up and are overwhelmed, there’s always someone offering to be there for you. Just say yes.

I definitely had a few lifelines when I first had kids. The ones that would come over and hang out when the schedules allowed, and my best friend who helped me graduate with my masters by watching him for classes a few days a week. For the most part I felt like I needed to do everything by myself, but realizing now that whether your tribe is big or small, it is so important to have awesome people around you. Because as much as we can do the majority of it ourselves, it’s pretty lonely. I remember desperately needing a shower midday from the constant spit up and not wanting to leave my newborn unattended. I brought the bouncer into the bathroom with me and in between washing my hair I’d reach out and Make her smile and giggle while giving her a little bounce. As a mom there’s really never a break or time off duty. You’re either with them or constantly thinking about them, but having friends be there for you and understand what’s going on can make all the difference.

When you have your first kid and are trying to figure out this whole parenting thing, you tend to want advice and for someone to sometimes just tell you what to do. Very quickly you can realize that if you’re venting or sharing with the wrong person, it can become extremely overwhelming really fast. Make sure to do your own research and of course ask opinions of those you care about, but once you and your partner decide on something, no one else’s opinion should matter. There is research to back any parenting method. Sometimes the further you deep dive, the worse you feel. Remember to trust your instincts and that ultimately it’s your family and your choice.

It is so easy in parenting to feel judged by others. Whether you decided that formula or breastfeeding was better for your child, or if you’re doing a pacifier or don’t believe in that. Those parents that swear by sound machines, wipe/bottle warmers versus those that don’t. The constant pressure and judgmental comments remind me of Middle School when I was trying to figure out who I was and was not quite sure yet. I find that with adulting, no matter what stage of life you’re in, there’s always something to overcome. There’s always an external pressure making you feel like you’re not good enough and constantly needing to remind yourself that you 100% are.

I honestly believe that generationally, women weren’t meant to raise kids alone. Financially times are hard and it’s extremely difficult for the average American to live in a one income household. There’s so much added pressure to having to work full-time to pay for child care/bills, and get everything done around the house that you want. It’s literally impossible to do that in the amount of hours we have in a day. I remember growing up and spending a lot of time at other people’s houses and my friends would come over all the time. Parents would share the load. We’d have big block parties, Cul-De-Sac kickball games, and open door policies. I even remember us having a family to go to when I needed a break from mine. Their mom would call my mom, and let them know that we were safe and that we would come back when we were ready. Nowadays we either live so far apart, don’t know our neighbors as well as we’d like to, and/or seem to be less trusting of others.