The Poor Mom Revolution

I’ve always considered myself type A. I’m organized, love a schedule and you’ll never see me without my calendar. I’m highly goal-oriented and the moment I reach it, I continue pushing forward. I love being in control of situations and I’m always the one in charge to make sure we’re at places on time and things go according to plan.

While I would consider myself type A in the workplace and most times at home, I have turned into a mom that wants to be type A, but has type B tendencies more often than not. In reality I have all my crap together and know when and where everything is, but becoming a mom has made me lose things and be late ALL THE DAMN TIME! Part of it is because I juggle a lot of things and wear a lot of hats. There are so many moving parts that something has to drop. I also have a daughter who is exactly like my husband and their sense of time is a struggle. No matter how many times we’re prepared, packed ahead of time, and have everything laid out.. “something” comes around and must move it. It is a last minute chaos of running from one place to the next looking for a single shinguard, a backpack, the game day green socks, the school project, or the right sized cleat. I do everything in my power to make sure that we are ready, including multiple alarms and timers on our phones and Google Home, packing everything the night before with constant reminders and yet my kids are now showing up minutes before the bus arrives and the ones running late on the field with their soccer cleats untied.

So in reality I am the most type A/B person you’ll meet. I am flexible when things don’t go my way, but I’m not happy about it. I’m someone that works hard to have a more relaxed, laid-back attitude, but it’s not something that comes super naturally. I’m excellent under pressure when it comes to parenting and thinking on the spot, but afterwards I’m extremely stressed and overthink the situation. I am extremely organized, but things inevitably get missed, double booked or overlooked. I 100% take ownership that I look and appear like a hot mess mom. I also know that my friends and coworkers know that I’m the complete opposite, but reality vs appearances are the darndest things.

We started a new routine of the kids making their lunches for school. I’ve been doing it since they were in child care because of their allergies and dietary restrictions and by the time we got to 3rd and 4th grade I was exhausted. Typically we make lunches out of the leftover dinners from the night before or a simple sandwich with snacks, and it’s definitely easy enough for them to package it in the container and put in their lunch box. They’ve been doing pretty awesome for the most part. They’re always a few days where there needs to be reminders or tell them to leave it in their lunch box instead of the counter, but of course this past week was a rough one. The week before spring break their minds were on vacation and the lunch box was forgotten on the counter. My husband and I both work and weren’t able to drop it off until closer to 12, which of course she had lunch a little bit before that. I had gotten a reminder text from the teachers that she didn’t have her lunch and she wound up eating it in the office during one of her classes. Now this doesn’t happen very often. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times she’s forgotten a lunch at home or on the bus, but the first time she missed her lunch time altogether. I felt horrible as I know that it messed with both of our days a little bit. We definitely learned from the experience, and are making sure it is inside the backpack the night before with a last minute lunch checked before we leave the house.

One of the biggest struggles we have with scheduling is soccer season. Both kids are now playing for a club team and of course have alternating schedules. One of them is Monday, Tuesday and Thursday while the other one is Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. One typically has a Saturday game while the other one has a Sunday leaving us with one day off a week. One team starts practice at 5:30 while the other one starts at 5:00. Typically me and my husband alternate between days so one of us can cook dinner while the other one can go practice. Since I get out of work at 4:30 and about 45 minutes away from the field, it’s impossible for me to get the kids and bring them. So the kids have been working hard, yet struggling, to get off the bus, change, grab a snack and leave in 15 minutes to make it on time to practice that is 25 minutes away. The word Insanity doesn’t even describe what the house is like in that short turnover time. I think all of us are honestly just trying to do our best. We always try to fit ourselves into a category of being the best mom and always keeping these ridiculously high standards, and let down ourselves if we’re anything but. It’s crazy! We’re constantly putting pressure on ourselves and comparing ourselves to others and it never makes us feel stronger, more united or confident.

My husband recently introduced me to insight timer, a meditation app on my phone. It has honestly been a lifesaver. When I’m overwhelmed, stressed or getting a tension headache, It has done wonders! There’s this one guy named DaveJi who I swear has magical powers or something. 5 minutes with him has made my eyelid pressure disappear when I thought it was getting a migraine. He relaxed my whole body. I mentioned him to the kids the other day and they wanted to do one with me. 3 days in a row we sat on the couch before bed. Did some deep breathing and meditated together. They love it! It almost reminds me of when they took yoga lessons in their daycare when they were a little. They came home and wanted yoga mats and would teach us all of their little tips and tricks. It has been 8 years and they still enjoy slowing down and relaxing their minds before bed. As a mom that feels like I’m being pulled in a million directions all the time, laying on the couch with a kid in each arm and focusing on my breathing is the only way I want to end the night.

It’s funny… well not really… but I’ve had people tell me that I seem to have my crap together. I try to be as open and raw as I can both in my social media posts and my blogs. I will be the first to tell you that ‘I fake it til I make it.’ I try to exude confidence as much as I can in hopes that I feed off that energy, but perception is a fascinating thing. We’re constantly wishing we had something more. Whether it’s more resources, money, time, experiences, help or support. This parenting thing is so hard and I’m still learning on a daily basis. Some days I feel like I’m winning and on top of the world and other days I’m attempting not to cry because of something so small and insignificant. We weren’t made to spend so few hours with our family and loved ones. And definitely not a fan that the minimal time we have left is split between chauffeuring, sports, homework, dinner and bed before we all turn to zombies.

My short term goals are to count my blessings, slow down as much as possible, and be grateful for everything. Grateful for the time, ability to be present for my kids each night and cheer them on for their practices and games, to take deep breaths. None of this was meant to be easy, but I know for a fact it is all worth it!