The Poor Mom Revolution

Every age my kids have been at has been simultaneously my favorite and most challenging. They’re constantly growing, changing and learning new things everyday and it’s impossible to keep up and also one of the most incredible experiences to watch. From bottle feeding, airplaning baby food to letting them experience eating adult food while attempting to find their mouths. From whining and screaming to learning a vocabulary that tells you what they want when they want it. Learning and figuring out their independence even when it includes dressing in the craziest outfits ever. Experimenting with personalities, friendships and ultimately guiding themselves to who they are as individuals.Every phase has been one that’s brought on proud mom moments alongside the ones that caused tears, stress and heartache that made it incredibly hard to get through. Here I am with two semi big kids able to tell you that all the hard work, laughter, exhaustion, memories, and self-doubt feel like a lifetime ago and I’d go back in a heartbeat.

I remember all the amazing cute little things that the kids would do, and also grateful for the pictures and videos of the crazy children that would come out once in a while. The times where they’d refuse to nap even though they were so tired they were barely functioning. Where they would attempt to break out of their bedroom jail or climb the baby gate at full pterodactyl shriek mode to let me know they didn’t like me at the moment. When heaven forbid I would give them the wrong color spoon or the mac and cheese they liked yesterday but not today. The meltdowns were many, but as they’ve grown up, I’ve come to terms with how important those stages were for them and me.

I mentioned before that I’m at this amazing stage where a lot of my friends are now having kids. With mine all grown up, I get to experience the joys, giggles, and craziness all over again. The other day, my son and I went to visit one of my best friends. It was one of those toddler days with a lot of overstimulation, no nap and a little fomo. Tons of mixed emotions with hysterical crying and smiling/giggling on and off minutes apart. From the outside looking in, he was doing so well! With the craziness of the day, he was using his words to express that he needed to snuggle and telling his mama how to comfort him. Being a mom who went through it herself, I remember being extremely stressed out, on the verge of tears, wanted to skip to the best parts and hide myself in a dark room until it was over. As we were walking home, my son turned to me and said “ I wasn’t like that was I? Crying over little things?” Oh he 100% was!

As a parent going through the thick of it, you find whatever works for you. My son had big emotions growing up and once he hit that point it was next to impossible to calm him down. There were times he’d almost stop breathing while he was crying so hard and he needed to be snapped out of it to come back and start to regulate his nervous system. We had tried everything, including showers, which caused him to scream even more. Finally, I remember my husband and I walking outside on a cold morning and letting it shock his system a bit. He would take one deep breath, like he was letting all the cold air in, and it would instantly calm him down. His whole body would start to relax and of course, after an episode like that he’d start to fall asleep from exhaustion. This worked for years until we were able to help him regulate himself and find out what he most needed. If you had told me that I would be standing out in the cold with my baby, I wouldn’t have believed you, but when it works you use it.

One of the funniest stages to look back on, but of course was horrible in the moment, was my daughter’s lotion phase. She became obsessed with rubbing things on her skin, which you could probably guess didn’t end well for us. Body lotion quickly turned into Vaseline and ketchup. Basically anything she could get her hands on which got more and more disgusting. I remember the Vaseline was not only all over her body but through her hair and on every door knob in the house. It was as if she was trying to prank us at an early age and still had the same effect. And as you can believe, petroleum jelly is next to impossible to wash off because it basically repels water. Disastrous! I remember seeing her in the kitchen with the ketchup bottle lying on the floor staring up at me with those big brown eyes. Wondering why I was upset. That day was a laugh to keep from crying as I scooped her up and made a bubble bath. I knew my kids weren’t trying to piss me off, but boy did they!

There’s always that concept that when the kids are quiet something’s wrong, and mine definitely fit the bill. They would dump out bins full of Legos all over the room, put toilet paper and tissues in the sink and turn on the water which was a pain in the butt, but also a learning process of them exploring how the world worked. I used to get super sweaty, stressed and uncomfortable when meltdowns would happen in a public setting like a store or supermarket. You always hear people saying they’d drop their cart and left right away when their kids started to act up. That kids shouldn’t behave like that because they should know better and need more discipline. These are the types of opinions that are unwarranted and unhelpful. If I had the ability to drop the shopping cart and walk out, maybe I would to avoid the feeling of failure inside. But sometimes, with the limited time you have in between naps, feeding and life, It’s next to impossible when you need food for the house. Sometimes you just have to push through! Whenever I get an opinion that kids shouldn’t have emotions or act out when learning how to manage their own behavior is a ridiculous notion. I’ve definitely met adults that can’t seem to get it straight, let alone a child. Learning how to be emotionally aware and intelligent to understand and respond to their feelings is a heavy ask and is a skill that must be taught and practiced.

I always mention that I wish I had the knowledge I have now when I first had my kids 10-12 years ago. I’d be 100% more confident in my abilities as a parent, without letting others’ opinions take over. I think at this stage the ill-informed people making comments or providing me parenting advice would irritate me, but not interrupt my day. And at this point, I’m just excited to support my friends and their little ones.