The Poor Mom Revolution

I had gotten a call from the school nurse the other day, which allowed me to spend some much needed extra time with my son. We had talked about a ton of different things in the car from the way to and from Express Care, and one of our conversations really stood out.

I came to the realization that my kids are maturing super fast. They’ve always been self aware and can read people really well, but now they’re starting to understand how the world works and how they fit into it.

The conversation had started out with being excited for this summer. He’s been counting down the days until camp and saying how much he loves being there. He thanked me for letting him go and I reiterated how lucky we are to have that opportunity each summer. Somehow one thing led to another, and this quickly turned into him telling me how much he loves me and that he’s excited for me to retire because I work so hard.

I let him know how sweet that was, and then of course that we work so hard to make sure they have everything they need. I mentioned that I may not be able to retire, but the work and activities we do will shift and/or change between now and then. Of course that prompted a few more questions, so I explained that many people are not able to stay in the same job for 30 years simply because of cuts to the business, downsizing, businesses closing down amongst other things. I mentioned jobs used to have pension plans, and things that would help support you in the long term once it was time for you to leave your position and it’s not commonplace anymore. He mentioned that it was extremely unfair.

I could see his brain working and trying to understand everything. He just kept reiterating that we both work so hard and we deserve to be able to retire and have a break. While I agreed with him, I mentioned that we work as hard as we can to provide them with all the things that they need and some of the things that they want. That we’re lucky to not have to worry about where our next meal is going to come from, or if we’re going to be able to pay the electric bill or our mortgage. That some days are tougher than others and we have to pick and choose between certain things we might want to do. But to be grateful that they are always fed, clothed and happy. That we have the jobs and positions we do to get to make it to their school events, field trips, birthday parties, soccer practices and games.

He then asked if we were poor. I once again reiterated that we have everything we need and are able to do some extras, so we’re somewhat in the middle. After careful deliberation, he decided that we are working poor. He said that everything in the supermarket has gone up, going out to eat and activities are all really expensive now and we don’t get to do it as often. We talked a little bit about inflation, and that 10 years ago if we were making as much as we were making now we would be considered to have a lot of money and be able to save, travel and do whatever we wanted. But because everything has gone up in price, what we’re making is just enough to make ends meet. So we brought it back to the term working poor, of working to be able to pay your bills and not having much left over.

To my surprise, he got really upset and emotional in the car. I then started overthinking about what the conversation had turned into and if I said something wrong. He just kept repeating how much he loves us, how hard we work, and that we’re the best. Which of course coming from your almost 12-year-old makes you get emotional and want to cry. So now we have two super emotional individuals in the car, laugh/crying and talking about all the love we have for each other.

As heavy as the conversation seemed to be, I thought it went really well. He asked questions and I answered them and let him take the lead. We have always done our best to make sure the kids were unaware of any financial struggles we’ve had since they were little because we didn’t want to put any of that stress on them. We have made sure they are financially responsible and understand the value of money. They do chores and things around the house in order to earn some money to spend on something that they want. They go shopping with us at the grocery store and are well aware of the prices of things and when they go up a dollar or two. They know that going out to eat or doing activities on the weekend can be a splurge and are always grateful when it happens. When they ask for something, and we say no, or we need to wait until Friday, there is never an argument from them because they understand. They are at that age, where they want to know how much everything costs from our dinner out, to guessing the grocery bill before they ring it up. Teaching about spending habits, living within your means, and budgeting is so important so when they ask, we answer the best we can.

I’m hopeful that with the world changing, they’ll be able to adapt with it. Knowing we did the best we could with what we had. Demonstrating healthy cooking, money management, and that struggling isn’t something to be ashamed of. Many of us grew up in an era that didn’t talk about money or how much you made. It was shamed in the workplace and rude to ask others about it. I think there are more apps, websites, and people talking about salaries now more than ever. Transparency is important and it allows us to understand a bit more of the behind the scenes and I think this generation needs that.