This past week was 5 years since we left our old life. The life that we thought we wanted. The life we thought we needed and deserved. The life that was all about sustaining the big house and the yard, working to live and being way overextended to a point that living paycheck to paycheck would have been a dream. Having two kids in childcare simply to have adequate health care because at the end of a stressful day we barely broke even. The financial stress took a toll to a point where we were barely living. We were simply shells of ourselves that were in survival mode. We were going through the motions, but barely speaking to each other and ultimately miserable.
I remember crying so much the day we moved. Trying to hold it together just to cry from frustration of moving everything into the truck ourselves. I remember mourning the life I thought I wanted and saying goodbye to the person that I used to be. The person that came home at the end of a workday devoid of energy. Knowing that I had nothing to show for it when all was said and done. Struggling to keep my mental health in order and being able to put on a face for the kids. Laughing to keep from crying, and at the time, kickboxing to keep the demons at bay.
After having made it through my millionth meltdown of the day, we said our goodbyes to the red house in Cherry Hill. I still remember the anxiety, excitement and fear of finally choosing happiness over expectations, hoping that we made the right decision, and awaiting the future we needed.
The last 5 years have not been easy. Moving at the height of covid without a clear-cut path of what the next year would look like was a whole different kind of stress. Thankfully, the decision to cut all of our expenses in half had paid off while we had one income due to being furloughed. In between the days of stress, and second-guessing everything… We had the best summer of our lives. We were outside everyday at the pool, parks, riding bikes and together more than we had ever been. After years of feeling emotionally drained and inadequate as mom, this time was precious and one I’ll cherish forever. Thankfully, the kids were still little. They were 5 and 7 years old, wanting to explore, experiment, bake, snuggle, and it all made it that much easier.
The past few years have been a roller coaster. I feel like I’ve grown a lifetime and not nearly enough simultaneously. I think we are always looking out for what’s next, that we forget how far we’ve come. My 25 year old self wouldn’t believe me if I tried.
There’s a quote that I’ve always loved and feel like it is super fitting…
“ While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” By Angela Schwindt
I used to stress about the small stuff… well I still do a lot of the time… but I’m beginning to understand what’s important and what’s not worth a second thought. At the end of the day, no matter how crazy it got and how much wasn’t checked off my list, the kids still won’t go to bed without me coming in to say goodnight. They won’t go to bed until they have shared all their thoughts and feelings from the last 12+ hours, and not often than not I’ve been getting a pat on the bed to snuggle just a little bit longer. No matter how annoyed I was about spilling my coffee all over my front car seat, or feeling like I didn’t handle a situation as well as I could have… at the end of the day we’re still good, loved, safe, and happy.
Moving up to the mountains has taught me more about understanding and appreciating the small things. As it’s hard for me to take everything day by day, moment by moment, I’m learning to be grateful for the incredible life we chose to build. These kids keep me humble. When I’m running from one practice/game to another, stopping off at the supermarket before finally heading home from work, or getting upset that I forgot to do the one thing I said I wanted to do that day …. The kids are there to share a story that has us both laughing until we cry, the how was your day that turns into a speed talk marathon, and the tearful moments after they let me know I’m doing an amazing job. I was never truly prepared for this parenting life. Sometimes all it takes is a tweenager to tell you they love you and ask for a hug. I didn’t know how much it would change me as a person down to my core. Being their mom is a gift I’ll never get enough of! Just reminding myself constantly that I This past week was 5 years since we left our old life. The life that we thought we wanted. The life we thought we needed and deserved. The life that was all about sustaining the big house and the yard, working to live and being way overextended to a point that living paycheck to paycheck would have been a dream. Having two kids in childcare simply to have adequate health care because at the end of a stressful day we barely broke even. The financial stress took a toll to a point where we were barely living. We were simply shells of ourselves that were in survival mode. We were going through the motions, but barely speaking to each other and ultimately miserable.
I remember crying so much the day we moved. Trying to hold it together just to cry from frustration of moving everything into the truck ourselves. I remember mourning the life I thought I wanted and saying goodbye to the person that I used to be. The person that came home at the end of a workday devoid of energy. Knowing that I had nothing to show for it when all was said and done. Struggling to keep my mental health in order and being able to put on a face for the kids. Laughing to keep from crying, and at the time, kickboxing to keep the demons at bay.
After having made it through my millionth meltdown of the day, we said our goodbyes to the red house in Cherry Hill. I still remember the anxiety, excitement and fear of finally choosing happiness over expectations, hoping that we made the right decision, and awaiting the future we needed.
The last 5 years have not been easy. Moving at the height of covid without a clear-cut path of what the next year would look like was a whole different kind of stress. Thankfully, the decision to cut all of our expenses in half had paid off while we had one income due to being furloughed. In between the days of stress, and second-guessing everything… We had the best summer of our lives. We were outside everyday at the pool, parks, riding bikes and together more than we had ever been. After years of feeling emotionally drained and inadequate as mom, this time was precious and one I’ll cherish forever. Thankfully, the kids were still little. They were 5 and 7 years old, wanting to explore, experiment, bake, snuggle, and it all made it that much easier.
The past few years have been a roller coaster. I feel like I’ve grown a lifetime and not nearly enough simultaneously. I think we are always looking out for what’s next, that we forget how far we’ve come. My 25 year old self wouldn’t believe me if I tried.
There’s a quote that I’ve always loved and feel like it is super fitting…
“ While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” By Angela Schwindt
I used to stress about the small stuff… well I still do a lot of the time… but I’m beginning to understand what’s important and what’s not worth a second thought. At the end of the day, no matter how crazy it got and how much wasn’t checked off my list, the kids still won’t go to bed without me coming in to say goodnight. They won’t go to bed until they have shared all their thoughts and feelings from the last 12+ hours, and not often than not I’ve been getting a pat on the bed to snuggle just a little bit longer. No matter how annoyed I was about spilling my coffee all over my front car seat, or feeling like I didn’t handle a situation as well as I could have… at the end of the day we’re still good, loved, safe, and happy.
Moving up to the mountains has taught me more about understanding and appreciating the small things. As it’s hard for me to take everything day by day, moment by moment, I’m learning to be grateful for the incredible life we chose to build. These kids keep me humble. When I’m running from one practice/game to another, stopping off at the supermarket before finally heading home from work, or getting upset that I forgot to do the one thing I said I wanted to do that day …. The kids are there to share a story that has us both laughing until we cry, the how was your day that turns into a speed talk marathon, and the tearful moments after they let me know I’m doing an amazing job. I was never truly prepared for this parenting life. Sometimes all it takes is a tweenager to tell you they love you and ask for a hug. I didn’t know how much it would change me as a person down to my core. Being their mom is a gift I’ll never get enough of! Just reminding myself constantly that I can’t get this time back and I need to savor every moment.
get this time back and I need to savor every moment.
The Poor Mom Revolution 
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