The Poor Mom Revolution

I’ve talked before about my reasons for leaving teaching. That after 10 years, I needed to take a step back from what I loved to do in order to save my own mental health and be there for my family. The lack of control in the classroom and schools, limited support by peers and leaders above me, and lack of ability to help the kids on their individual levels. The profession I was born to do and loved, slowly became the thing that ultimately broke me.

Being a teacher with patience, empathy, and the ability to connect, forced administrators to give me more challenging kids with and without special needs with even less support and guidance. Ultimately, placing the nail in the coffin that I needed to leave the classroom. One of my final years involved a troubled child, and equally unruly parents threatening me and my coworker on an almost daily basis. When you feel like no one is willing to help, administration does not have your back and you’re in it alone, it’s easier to walk away than to deal with constant abuse and stress. No one deserves that!

Now my kids have been in the school system for some time and unfortunately the same pattern continues. I know there are a lot of people with the mentality that kids get stronger when they get picked on or bullied, and I completely disagree. I don’t believe we’re raising soft kids by wanting them to use their words instead of fists. I feel as though we’re creating a generation that is more emotionally aware than those before them. Kids that will share how they’re feeling, when they’re pissed off, when they’re upset, and it’s one of the healthiest things we can do. Bottling up irritation, sadness, and frustration until it is taken out on somebody else in a moment of anger, isn’t right. I don’t think strength comes from overcoming verbal, physical, and/or sexual abuse. And bullying very well fits into one of these three categories.

I talk all the time about the lack of support, leadership or structure to handle kids with different needs. These school systems have so many kids, not enough staff, and the inability to provide consequences that will change behavior. Over the years we’ve called the principal numerous times, spoken to the bus drivers, called the office, and messaged teachers about student behaviors. It’s been a repetitive behavior that is completely inappropriate for a school setting and never seems to change. It’s like we are more scared of a parent’s reaction to holding a child accountable for behavior that is disgusting.

As a child, homeschooling was seen like the kids that went to Votech in highschool. It was for kids that couldn’t handle the mainstream school. Those that struggled socially or academically and needed an alternative setting. It took me to leaving the school system myself, and becoming a parent to see why people choose these alternate routes of education. I now get it and my eyes are open to the shortcomings of our educational system. How they are pushing kids through the system that need additional help or services, simply because their parents don’t know how to advocate for themselves, and the school doesn’t want to lose money or funding. That we don’t teach our parents how to ask for what they need and instead are given directions not to advise as we aren’t certified to do so. The schools cover their butts instead of assisting kids in need.

I’ve had to advocate for my son and his reading needs for years. Asking for advice, help and guidance after years of not getting answers. I decided to advocate for my son and get him the services he needs to succeed. Now that I have an IEP, it’s a constant battle to make sure it’s being followed and I’m doing right by my son. A pull out class should be for explicit reading instruction in small groups on his individual level, but it’s just a smaller group and lacks differentiation. This last year was the easiest year he ever had, because it was well below his level and was not a challenge.

My 9 year old daughter came home on a weekly basis this past year and explained how the boys in her class were saying inappropriate, sexual comments to her. She’s had her butt slapped, told she looks better with her legs open, intimidated, name called and ultimately not one kid got sent home, formally reprimanded, suspended, or withheld from field day and school activities. All this teaches her is that her voice doesn’t matter, these boys can get away with whatever they want, and the school doesn’t care. This should never be the mentality of a school here to serve the kids best interest. Her teachers were phenomenal and were in constant contact and even forced the admin to call us on many occasions. This shouldn’t be the case! The lack of support and help 10 years ago and even worse now!

I can tell you over the last few years, pulling the kids from the school system has been in the front of my mind. I constantly feel as though I’m not doing right by my kids, by putting them both in situations that are inappropriate for kids/adults. If I was in a workplace with someone inappropriately touching, name calling, harassing…I could press charges. Why are kids and their parents not being held accountable and to the same standards? Knowing it’s okay at 9 is a scary thing, when that same adult grows up and thinks it’s okay because they were never heard no.

According to the Washington Post, they made a statement talking about the rise in homeschooling across America in the last few years. Those that don’t agree with public schools, look towards the private school alternative. Unfortunately, with the economic inequality, that isn’t an option for the average family. I wonder if the majority of families didn’t have to live in a 2 income household, and paycheck to paycheck wasn’t the norm, if more people would look into virtual learning or teaching kids themselves due to not agreeing with certain school decisions or rather safety of their kids. I’ve been notified way too many times about bomb threats, kids threatening others, police hunts that forced a lockdown within the school, and of course the large amount of school shootings happening across the country. We hear too many times that it’s not my kid, or my neighborhood.. but the truth is it’s happening much more often and much closer to home.

I’m constantly talking to friends and family about common problems we’re all seeing within our kids, the schools and her neighborhoods. So many people would love a more quiet, simple life where they’re not hustling to barely make ends meet. There are so many people growing their own vegetables and food in their backyard, looking for more whole foods and tired of the prices and additives. But the rise of technology, more working hours and less time with loved ones… The community and support systems around us are dwindling. I’m constantly thinking about a group of like-minded families raising our kids together. Definitely seems like a dream, but is it that crazy? I’m trying to figure this all out in my head and appreciate the opportunity to share it.

If you have any additional thoughts or ideas… I’d love to hear it.