The Poor Mom Revolution

     Special education is one of those fields that I find a little two-sided based on the view. It can be a safe haven or quite ominous. It can act as a saving grace for some and a constant uphill battle for others. I’ve decided that the special education experience comes down to the team of teachers, special education professionals, school administration and that communication with the families.

     As a prior teacher, with a special education background, I always found it kind of amazing. There are these kids that have different learning disabilities and needs that have struggled without support for so long. They just need a glimpse into what learning can actually be like when they’re able to succeed. They need someone to be on their side to help provide the strategies to avoid frustration and anger. They need kindness, love and patience from someone willing to celebrate growth no matter how big or small. I was always honored to be a part of IEP meetings and collaborate with parents and teachers to make sure the child had everything they needed throughout the school year and everyone was on the same page and in agreement. 

     Going through it as a parent is a completely different experience. In the majority of cases, the only way to get your child evaluated is by requesting it formally in writing. For most of the schools that I’ve worked in, we weren’t allowed to recommend evaluations as it did cost the school money. If a parent had asked us our opinion on evaluation, we would say that we weren’t medical professionals and that they should go see their doctor. If a parent decided to opt for a personal evaluation exam the school wasn’t inclined to use school resources on testing. Ultimately, as a parent, the decision is solely on you and your persistence to find answers as no one is going to help with the decision one way or other.

     As a school, I understand they run it like a business, which was part of the reason I’m no longer involved in it. I understand cutting costs is part of the job, but ultimately when you’re working in a people business and with young children, the rules have to be different. Even with a teacher background, I struggled with getting my son evaluated. I kept going back and forth and wasn’t sure if he just needed to catch up, a private tutor, needed accommodations in the classroom, or be in a separate environment all together. I think it’s easier to be on the school side of things when making these decisions than as a parent. As a parent, it sucks!  As a mom, I already second guess everything I do and when those spending 8+ hours a day with my child aren’t able to share their opinions, ideas or observations, who I hold so dearly, it is beyond frustrating. This caused me to wait almost 2 years. Ultimately making the decision to evaluate which looking back was 2 years too long. 

     Watching your child come home mentally exhausted and overwhelmed is so hard. Knowing that there is so much that should and could be done, but of course there is a system and timeline that needs to be followed. We had to wait 6 months for the evaluation process to take full effect before seeing progress. This year we came into the school year excited and open minded. It took a full week to get him into the class he was supposed to be in as none of the teachers knew his needs or accommodations. This alone was so disappointing as I fought so hard last year for this exact reason. There have been so many days and nights, I’ve just held him and let him know everything was going to be okay. That the fear of reading in front of the class and/or comparing himself to others was only temporary. That we had his back always and would advocate for him no matter what. That he is perfect, hard working, confident and making so much process.

I loved being a teacher and making a difference for so long. What I’ve found is that there are too many kids in need and not enough incredible teachers. The special education system is in place to help, but I’ve noticed it will be a constant, exhausting, emotional up hill battle to make sure my child has what he needs to succeed. Just feels like sometimes I’m fighting a failing system. I think what I struggle with the most is that even though I have a background and knowledge in the process, there are so many people and families that don’t know their rights. For example, I know that in Pennsylvania the school psychologist has 60 calendar days to evaluate the child after written consent has been initiated by the parents. I know that the moment my 60 days had hit, and we had not been evaluated I was calling the office to discuss. I knew which accommodations he needed in the classroom and how to ask for them. It just breaks my heart, that most schools don’t have a liaison or advocate for the parents. People always wonder why some parents of those with disabilities or sickness take a deep dive into the research and policies to make sure they know everything, because many times it feels like the only one looking out for your child is you.